The Buddy

Always “the buddy,” never the girlfriend, how the heck will I ever be a wife? Will I ever be a wife? As my heart caves and tears form, I lose myself for a moment, caught between desire and emotions. I am horrible at reading between the lines, perceiving truths, and believing there is more where there is none. I am a woman on the outside, often confident, but feel like a girl on the inside, hopeful. A girl who feels crushed each time unknown infinite friendships turn into unspoken realities.

Though, your words tug at my heartstrings, I will remain your forever cheerleader; supportive, loving, caring, and encouraging. I am your soundboard, the one who will tell you the truth, helping you to transform into the man you need to be. I am your well worn jeans, the ones you want to wear everyday and can be yourself in. Yet, no matter how much I try to get your attention, how much I will keep trying to get your attention, even after you string me along infinitely with all my hopefuls, you simply don’t see me more than just “the buddy.”

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Nicely written. If this is autobiographical, don’t try too hard to get his attention. If it is meant to be he will come to his senses when the time is right. I have been married to a friend for 17 years.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. becketar says:

      Thank you for the encouragement Debbie. Right now, this one is a friend, but sometimes, I allow my girl brain to go too far, becoming too attached.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Been there. Good luck

        Liked by 1 person

      2. becketar says:

        Thank you for your wisdom.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Anne J. says:

    Oh, I know this one quite well… But all’s well that end’s well. In 21 years, he was once my very best friend, talking about everything under the “moon” right through the night, we’ve had a huge fight and I didn’t speak to him for 4 years, we re-connected and we’re still friends… but the history is there and will never be forgotten. The love, too, only purely platonic now, from my side, too. 🙂 At the end of it all, despite having taken the [calculated] risks (because if you are anything like me, you have to so you don’t live the rest of your life wondering), life is about the journey and if the friendship is important enough, you keep it. 🙂

    Oh, here’s what I wrote, if you have a moment – https://ithinkisayido.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/beginning-of-the-end/

    And if you’re lucky like Debbie, you’ll have a friend for a life partner. That’s the best thing. You can’t not let him know though… Lilly Collins’ character almost frustrated me on “Love, Rosie”. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. becketar says:

      Anne, thank you for sharing. It’s good to hear that I don’t stand alone, that others have experienced being “the buddy”. And yes, no matter the outcome of these relationships throughout my life, those that I have felt the buddy with are some of my bestest platonic friends.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Anne J. says:

        My pleasure 😊 Thank you for allowing me.

        You’ve got it figured out and you’re on track. That’s fantastic. See, if one can’t remain friends with someone who didn’t love him/her back the same way, it only shows immaturity, selfishness and deception. Some might say being true to self and feelings – no. The truth is friendship was “used” to get close for romantic intention. Just rather be straight. There’s no platonic love at all. That unrequited romantic love on its own simply fades there’s none left as there was no true spirit of pure friendship that could have been ruined. That’s just my thought. They make great materials for fiction though. 😆

        Much love and hugs 💖🤗

        Liked by 1 person

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